Stop Hiding Under your Dirty Little Secrets!

I’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. They did not teach me either. But this does not mean that we all at some point had the worst teachers ever, No! Neither does it mean that we were the worst students ever, definitely not. They don’t teach you how to love somebody. They don’t teach you how to be famous. They don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don’t teach you to forgive people when they wrong you. They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. They don’t teach you how to lie. They don’t teach you anything worth knowing. But what do they do? They want you or rather expect you to know everything. Everything that is out of this world… and in the ones in this world too. I was once a student and I know that this is quite impossible. Who is now cheating who?

Sometimes I look at the people around me. How they view life from how they talk about it. Funny is it? But you will realize that not everyone gives a real account of what they go through in their lives. Be it their private life, social life or whatever part of their lives; they will never give a true and clear account of their lives. It’s either they will make it look more perfect or extremely imperfect. I’ll give a clear example that is relevant to everyone and that’s the social media. I mean, who actually invented the social media? As much as the social media acts as an enormous platform for us to connect, socialize and even conduct businesses through advertising and other various methods; there is something somewhere that is still missing. Something so real, something that we cannot hide or run away from…life secrets! We are pretending. We are the worst pretenders ever.

Why are we hiding under our dirty little secrets? Why can’t we grab life by the balls and face it head on? Who doesn’t know about this enemy called the social media? I use it, you use it and I mean we all use it. The digital world of today has transformed our lives from day-to-day. Different social sites have brought us as a people of the world together, different people from different parts of the world despite their race, color and backgrounds; all together for a common goal. But some of us despite our cultures, backgrounds, race and age differences and our professions; we still end up acting irresponsibly on these social sites. I’ll pick an example; Face book. What will a lady gain from posting a picture that she’s dressed up to reveal like all that her man needs to see in their bedroom? Well, call me old fashion, I’ll take it. But still, I don’t believe in going naked to get someone to fall in love with me.

With all my old fashion techniques, my African culture has taught me to remain decent and respectful in whatever I say and dress up in. All I know is that I don’t have to remain naked to look decent. Misguided men end up posting crazy comments on these photos and flirt with these ladies in the social media. But where do we end up? Exchanging contacts, meeting and having sex, you get dumped and end up saying how there aren’t any good men to marry? Maybe you need to think twice or even more than that. Let’s stop looking for love in the wrong places. Oops! Did I just say ‘looking for love’ sorry I said that.

Love is not defined by how much someone flirts with you over some social site. I believe love is a process. Just like a baby’s life starts as soon as the zygote forms to the time the nine months end and the child is eventually born, is the same way love develops. It’s a process. Love starts the very moment that you smile at that adorable person that you have never met in your life and they smile back. I’ve grown up to know that everything worthwhile takes time and commitment. Relationships are like that new-born baby. If you don’t take care of them, they will die. If you don’t nature your relationship it will die off. Let’s stop pointing fingers on the people we are dating. They don’t just change, we change them. Yes! Stop looking at me. We do change them.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Why do I say that we are hiding under our dirty little secrets? It is such a rarity nowadays to find someone to fall in love with and stay in love with. People don’t seem to want to grow old together anymore; I guess there’s no thrill in that. There’s no thrill in being comfortable, or knowing someone like the back of your hand. I guess you can say I’m an old soul. I’m not about going out every other night or constantly trying to talk to someone new… I just want someone real, something that could last a lifetime. I never needed affection or attention from a various amount of people to make myself feel worthy. I will always be content with the one I love. I guess that just barely exists. It’s almost impossible nowadays to count on someone with all your heart. Seesh!! It’s more dangerous than anything. I guess you can say I’m one of the rare ones. I’m not just in it for a reason, season, or lifetime. I’m in it for all three. So let us stop acting like there are no worthwhile men or ladies for us today…you think relationships suck? Well, I think it is we that suck in relationships. Our dirty past is haunting us. That’s why we cannot have peaceful or working relationships. We have unfinished business with our past.

Marilyn Monroe once said that this life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends – they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything – they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them – actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soul mate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.

Let’s just be us. Let us stop hiding under our past. Let us learn to deal with rejections, bitterness, hatred and our ‘unfinished businesses’ before we let innocent people to be in our lives. Because as a matter of fact, they deserve peace, love, attention and that concern…and I mean sincerity. Feel free to express your sincere views below.

Thanks for reading.

You can always write back to me at ayoo.oyugi@gmail.com.

Stay blessed.