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HumanityInMe

Ayoo Oyugi

Let Me Live!

Woop! Woop! Yesterday was 15th of October 2017. Guess what? I just turned a year older! Though I had and still have mixed feelings about this. I know this sounds crazy. I know someone feels I need not to have mixed feelings because I just grew older or rather I just topped up a year in my age gallery. I have mixed feelings. Yes! I do. I don’t know whether to be happy or sad, I sincerely have no idea whether I should scream in happiness or grief.

But this is what I now feel. I feel confused because the more I grow up, the more I realise that life is not how I thought it would be when I was young. I feel like I’m carrying the whole world on my shoulders. Responsibilities! my “To do” list is getting full. Time is running out and and the more it elapses, the more the to do list gets inked in blue. Full of goals. Be it financial goals, spiritual goals, career goals or relationship goals. Before, it was just a simple bright yellow sheet stuck on my bedside; that was so blank and I didn’t even have a single idea of what to write there. Right now it is so blue, or could that be colour green? What is bright yellow plus blue again? Forgive my Art & Craft knowledge.

The bottom line of this matter is that I have a deadline to beat. This deadline is called life. The illusion i just mentioned when i started off this article. As so long as I place my hand on my chest, spread across one side of it, and I am able to feel the heart beat, then I am sure I am still in this war with life. I am sure I can still make changes in my life. I am sure that I can make tomorrow a better day for me and my generation or maybe just for my generation suppose i fail to make it there.

This is a war that I am destined to loose greatly. This is me trying to fight adversity. As much as I know that I am gonna loose it, I’m still under no obligation but to fight on. Fight on and on. The fact that I will eventually loose it, I have no choice. I cant give up, at least I have to prolong this fight. That’s the best I can do for now. Make this fight last a little longer. Buy more time so that I can accomplish some of the inked items on this “to do list”. It is my own fight that I started fighting immediately the X and Y chromosomes fused and I emerged a winner. I fought the good fight. That vibe might as well apply here…just for now though.

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But anyway, for the few years i have been able to live this illusion called life, I have seen love turn into pure hate. I have seen married couples who just stay married because they don’t have an option but stay married with zero love binding them. I have seen marriages break apart. I have seen evil. What I am yet to see, is the person I love most with my everything turn against me. Turn against me to the point where I no longer mean anything to them. Turn against me to the point that they cease seeing all the beautiful things they used to see when days were bright. I mean, who dimmed those bright days? Who switched of the lights and left them in a dark room that they can no longer see anything good in us?

Those are some of the endless strings of questions nagging my mind. Questions that I just cannot answer. Not because I am too busy to address them but, I just don’t know how to tackle them.

But moving on swiftly, I turned a year older. I am wiser than i was yesterday. I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes. I want to make this life work. I want to make the day brighter. I don’t want to depend on anyone for my happiness. I want to be self reliant. If life betrayed me and took away daddy after he promised that he will always be here for me, then i cannot trust anyone. Like i have lamented in the past, people come and go, even after they had promised to stay, but life has to go on. Opportunities come and go but none of it is worth my soul.

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So as I pen off and write a conclusion, I have realised how I’ve wasted time in the past and how much it has come to haunt me, I don’t want to see a repeat of that. I want to make life better for my generation. I don’t want to be judged by my past. I don’t want my future to be controlled by my past either. I want to be a better man. I want them to look at me and say “Dad did his best” , “My husband did what he had to do, and he was the best man I would ever wish for” , ” My son was the best son I’ve ever had” I want my people not to mourn when finally breathe my last. I want them to celebrate because I made them a better path to follow my footsteps.

I want to lead that life, I want to carry that armour. I want to forever remain in their hearts. I want to make a statement.

I want them to know it was worth it. So kindly let me live…

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Love That Never Was. Part 2

This is a letter to my stranger lover. The lover who never was.

Hi my love,

Hoping that you are well. What used to be a sleepless night slowly turned into a much needed therapeutic event that I always looked forward to. The constant dreams of us being in love but also best friends were replaced with seemingly more regular ones. I slowly started to dream about my upcoming work week not being so loaded or the attractive person I saw on the train the other day.

There was a period where I never wanted to see myself with another person, but surely enough I want to be a home to someone else now. Her heart may beat faster when she sees my name light up her phone screen, just like your heart used to. She might feel grounded and reassured by my presence. She’s the one I would video call while I’m at work. She’s the one who might text me good morning. She’s the one who might be ready to fight for me and won’t substitute me to anyone. She’s the one who will do anything to see me happy.

What used to be a day where I thought about you literally 307 different times turned into a week where I only thought about you twice. When I think of myself being heartbroken and trying to move on, but the thought of you pulls me back. Hoping that you might call or drop a text that you wanna hook up n talk, but all in vain. I don’t think about the feelings you had for me or the things we could have done together. I don’t think about how happy you made me or about how happy I made you. The more I do that the more I break down.

For a brief moment while I am washing my hands or taking out the trash, I think about how the only thing I wanted to do was make it up to you.

But you won’t catch me dwelling on it for hours on end like I used to. Yes, I still miss the way I held your hands and kissed your lips. Yes, I still miss the feeling you gave me and our endless conversation. Our endless video calls, our endless texts with love emojis.

Besides it’s not like I had another option, you are becoming a complete stranger day by day. Morning after morning I wake up with a simple expectation to maybe hear from you or see you. But those expectations are literally never met. Not one single time.

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The sun keeps setting and the moon keeps rising. New days keep coming, and life keeps moving. So I know I have to as well. I still have my own things to do and my own things to accomplish.

With or without you, I have to keep moving forward.

The craziest thing about all of this is thinking about how you were the absolute center of my universe. In my world, the stars and planets didn’t revolve around the sun. They revolved around you. I would have done anything and everything for you. I was completely obsessed with you; I was undeniably addicted to you. I promised myself I would never fall in love with anyone again. But it was 4am and we were laughing way too hard, and I felt happy for the first time in a long time, and I knew I was super screwed up!

You were everything to me.

You have shown me nothing but love and kindness. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but I meant what I said when I told you that you make me so unbearably happy. I love you so, so much. And I would never stand in the way of your happiness.

If this is what you think you need, to do what you must, to fight for the life you dream of having, then I support you. With all my heart, I support you. With every bit of the love I have, I support you.

I realize now that that can’t be true. I have given you parts of who I am that you will always have with you. Parts of me that I could never take back. Parts of me that I would never want to take back even if I could. Parts of me that I hope you’ll choose to keep.

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You couldn’t lose me any more than I can lose you, because there will always be a portion of my heart that would keep the love you’ve given me forever.

I love you.

And because I love you I will let you go.

Let you go so that you can be great. Let you go so you can be who you need to be.

You are one of the bravest, most courageous, most authentic and most genuine people I know.

And you can do whatever it is in the world that your BIG heart sets you out to do.

Do not ever doubt it for a second. You are an incredible human being with an intellect only bested by His unyielding spirit.

I will forever be proud that at this charmed point in our lives, you chose to love someone like me.

Please keep this letter hidden somewhere if it pleases you. So that if there ever comes a time when you feel any doubt about who you are or what you can do, any doubt about how huge your capacity for love is, you’ll be reminded that somewhere out there someone loves you and believes in you.

Even when you forget how to believe in yourself.

That somewhere out there, when that person thinks of you, he always does so with a smile.

And that at one point in your lives, there was Magic. So let’s finally lift a toast to our love that never was..”to love that never was…”

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Yours in love,

Imaginary lover.

Hello Tomorrow!

The wind howls, the trees sway, the loose house top sheets clatters and clang, the open windows shuts with a bang! and the sky makes the night of the day. Today is gone. We burry our heads in deep sleep tucked in warm blankets of hope hoping for a better tomorrow. Hoping and praying that the Lord might have mercy on us to see a brighter day tomorrow than today. Hoping that we might not go hungry tomorrow as we did today. Hoping that at least the sun will shine a light in our lives and we may find a reason to live. To live for more generations. Generations of hope! Hello tomorrow!

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Today was full of disappointments. Today was full of heart breaks. Today was full of unfulfilled promises from people I treasure the most. Today a lot of people are fighting for their lives in the hospital beds while some of them sadly gave up fighting for their lives. So many people made the wrong choices in their lives today that will probably reflect on them; on their lives, maybe not tomorrow but someday in future. The future to some might be the next two or so hours. Maybe the next minute! Are you just ready for it?

Yesterday you might have met and fell in love with the most “amazing” person you have ever thought of, but today you are no where on the map to plot your love. Yesterday you might have made promises to each other that you will always stick together no matter what! No matter what life throws at you. No matter how difficult the circumstances might seem to become. But today the string just cut off and you both fell off the edge and became victims of a weird circumstance. Victims of love that was detached by “unavoidable” circumstances. Victims of “from lovers to friends to strangers” circumstance. Victims of a heart break that never was to happen. And you are there beating up yourself. Strings of questions bugging your mind. Why did this have to happen? Why me dear Lord? Why!

But really, are they “unavoidable” as you might be putting it? Or are we just too faint hearted to fight for what’s best for us? Are we just faint hearted to be go getters and instead we want ready made stuff? Are we just too selfish to think of how others might feel after we make some unbecoming decisions in our lives? Are we just too much into ourselves? Are we just too irrational to weigh options before executing decisions in our lives? Maybe we are maybe we are not.

But hey! Yesterday was selfish. Yesterday was full of itself. Yesterday was meant to hurt us so badly so that we can give up to fight for a better tomorrow. Today is giving us another chance to sham yesterday’s thoughts. Today is full of second chances. Today is full of hope, love, and today has too much confidence in us that we cannot afford to give up on tomorrow. Today wants us to make a good move, to make a huge step of faith and make tomorrow a better day to live. A good time to be alive. Tomorrow does not want us to run helter skelter trying to look for peace and sanity. Yesterday robbed us our peace and sanity. Yesterday is a huge thief of today’s time. Don’t you dare give yesterday your attention. Tomorrow gives you hope to live, to make things right. To instill happiness on your loved ones, to give them a reason to smile. To give them a reason to hope, love, share, and make things work out again.

As i get down on my knees and I finally pray, I first thank God for yesterday even though it was mean. At least it taught me and prepared me on what to expect today, how to handle today and finally be sure that I will handle tomorrow. I believe in a better tomorrow despite being heartbroken by yesterday. I believe I will heal. I believe it is just a matter of time and the wounds will be healed and confident to face tomorrow. I believe in love, i believe in hope, I believe that God gave me life today and I am stronger today than yesterday because He has given me the strength to handle tomorrow.

And so goodbye yesterday, hello tomorrow…

Love That Never Was.

By now y’all should know that this thing called love is a very funny thing. It never feels complete, even when you’re at the peak and especially when you’re just starting the climb. Even when you’re the happiest you could be, you always think there is a better place to get to and why wouldn’t you?

We’ve been taught to expect better, but sometimes, people don’t even get to see how their story would end. And that makes you want to weep from the inside. Some of us have been taught not to expect anything at all for that matter. But this is me trying to wonder how life would be with zero expectations from life. Sounds like watching a Steven Segal movie and not expecting any kills. Like, what kind of a whacky movie would that be? Segal not kicking anybody’s ass! How now?But this is my story. The story about the Love That Never Was.

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Life happened. The most unexpected happened. I never saw that coming. Neither didn’t she. She was beautiful back and forth. Her dark blue eyes crippled me,spots of grey hair on her all black shiny hair stood out leaving her beautiful forehead exposed to sunlight. She was a true definition of beauty without make up…beauty elegance.

We had met several weeks before all these happened in some official congregation that I had been invited and was planning to miss because I had had second thoughts about the whole event. At first it was just an official relationship. No strings attached, no feelings whatsoever but one day all hell broke loose.

Earlier I had heard this phrase from my sister that the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart. To some extent I felt like I agreed with her but to some, I heavily disagreed. This is why…read on.

Whenever we met we couldn’t help but just stare at each other with love filled eyes on us. But there was only one problem…was it sugar salt and everything nice or was it gonna be sugar salt and everything twice…I think all these were sugar salt and everything twice!I mean how possible was it that we were so much in love but couldn’t be together? How could we feel this for one another but couldn’t just be? Not that we weren’t attracted to one another but no! It’s because how the world could see us. And well, I didn’t care much about that but she did. How would the society perceive us? This actually sounded like some racist kind of relationship in downtown South Africa way back before Madiba Mandela shone a light in the nation. It felt like a colored woman falling in love with a black Xhosa man. This was terrible! Indeed this was sugar salt and everything twice… The more you added these two ingredients to the recipe the more you cooked your food waiting for a miracle to happen to the taste out if nowhere. Until you realised you were running out of cooking gas.

But do you know what life has taught me? That when a man and a woman have an overwhelming passion for each other, it seems to me, in spite of such obstacles dividing them as parents or husband and wife, or just a girlfriend and boyfriend thing that they ultimately belong to each other. I know I now sound a bit of crazy but look deeply and keenly into nature,and you will definitely understand whatever I’m saying better. Because at the end of the day, just living is not enough… one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.

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She was my flower. She was this only flower in my garden that wasn’t withering or rather planning to wither come rain or sunshine. Her scent, her English accent and how she just did her eyes while talking to me was just everything to me. She had this thing in her while talking to me. There was just this thing she was always doing with her eyes when talking to me. It really formatted my brain and all i could see was nothing in a world of just me and her. Just the two of us. Us against the world. I didn’t want anything more from her. Just time with her, just to talk to her, just to see her talk. That alone was enough and could keep me going for ages and ages.

But I was living a dream all along. Unfortunately we couldn’t be together. Reason? Neither of us could solidly explain. And that was when it hit my mind that you know what son?You just can’t change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails to always reach your destination.
My alarm went out. God damn it!It is six a.m. I have to wake up and go to work …to go make hay while the sun shines for my future generation. For my lovely wife and kids. The Ayoo’s family.

I still cant believe to date that all these was a dream.

Betrayal: It’s Never Just About Infidelity

Love is patient

Love is kind

Love is not jealous

Love does not brag

Love is not arrogant

Okay chaps let’s get this straight.Y’all know,I’ve been writing about God,Love Life and Relationships for the past three years or is it 32 months?I don’t know,but that doesn’t matter.The only thing that matters right now is what love is than what it’s not. I can sit down the whole day ranting and nagging about what love is than what its not but hey! forget what love is. And by the way just for a reader’s descretion, this article is inspired but true life events

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Few people would argue with the idea that honesty is the best policy.  But the question is, does honesty as a virtue exist anymore in us? Well, policies however are not always adhered to, even those that we believe in and support. Regardless of how much we may desire to live a life of integrity in which we “walk the talk” and live in accordance with our inner principles, it’s likely that there will be times that we miss the mark. Nobody’s perfect. Every relationship needs to have some room for slippage. I already know someone is already blinking at me continuously and putting on the ”I’m sorry say what?” look on their faces.

Calm down, listen to me. Have you ever known that great relationships however, require a high level of integrity in order to thrive. When a violation of trust, large or small, occurs it’s important to examine the conditions that contributed to the situation and to engage in a healing process that will restore trust and goodwill to the relationship.

But moving on swiftly,a betrayal is a broken agreement, implicit or explicit, that is considered vital to the integrity of a relationship. The capacity of a relationship to recover from a betrayal has a lot to do with the responses, particularly on the part of the betrayer to the situation. The more open and non-defensive they are, the more likely it is that there will be resolution. When both partners are committed to this as an outcome, the likelihood increases exponentially.

The lies and denials that are used to cover-up a transgression can do much more damage than the violation itself. Even if the lie is never uncovered and the offense is not revealed, there can still be great harm done to the foundation of the relationship. Trust is inevitably sacrificed even when secrets go undetected. Most but not all betrayals and acts of deceit can be healed.

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You know what they say, a good marriage is better than therapy but then again i have a deep conviction that marriage and therapy is a winning combo.But hey! we all want a fruitful marriage relationship and so why dont we just acknowledge our actions to our partner before, not after they find out.The sooner the better. The longer you have been living a lie, the deeper the damage, the lesser the likelihood of a full recovery, and the longer the healing process takes.

Trust your instincts not people…people come and go, they say this and do the contrary and that’s just life.- Ayoo Oyugi-2017

Lets get honest. Lets commit ourselves to zero tolerance for dishonesty in our relationship. Even after we’ve successfully demonstrated our commitment, don’t be surprised if your partner needs a lot of evidence that you are trustworthy before they’ll be ready to believe anything you say.Address the questions that your partner asks you. Don’t be defensive in response to your partner’s need for information. They need to make sure that you aren’t withholding anything else and they probably have a lot of questions that only you can answer.

Come on,listen to their feelings, all of them. Don’t analyze, evaluate, judge, or reason with your partner in regard to any of their feelings. Listening without disputing is not equivalent to agreeing with someone’s point of view. It’s possible to listen respectfully even if you don’t see eye to eye about everything. Feelings aren’t necessarily rational, but they are real.

Be patient. The last time i checked, patience as they say was a virtue and so reassure your partner that that they can take as much time as they need to rebuild trust.

What Happened To PATIENCE?

I find myself asking this question a number of times. More so when it comes to dating relationships. People want it so fast. I mean what ever happened to being patient? What happened to doing things the right way? Or is it only me who is clipped to this phrase ‘doing things the right way’? Whoever said ‘Patience is a virtue’ knew what they were talking about. Let’s talk patience, let’s learn the importance of patience and how keeping it can affect and transform your relationships for the better.

Today’s relationships are all about money, sex, partying and who has what, when and who can give me whatever I want at whatever time I want it. When it comes to long cues, crafts that require meticulous attention to detail and driving, I’m pretty patient. In the context of a relationship, it’s a whole different story. In my early twenties, I was always one to hurry myself in a relationship. Eager to have someone else ‘complete’ me, I never put too much thought into what kind of person I was inviting into my life. But of course life is full of lessons and in time, I learned that good things really do come to those who wait. Without patience, I’d be dating the wrong kind of ladies, rushing into relationships doomed to fail and drowning in a disruptive relationship. Patience is key to a good relationship at any stage of a relationship. Everything will fall into place, be patient and so they say. As my reader do you agree? Read on.

However, keeping patience in our daily tasks and pursuits, and in relationships are two different things. Relationships call more for endurance rather than patience. Patience in relationships means being patient and forgiving about the other person’s follies, mistakes and short-comings. Patience is required to deal with your differences and your seeming incompatibilities. We find ourselves losing our patience when we expect a certain level of understanding, intellect, intelligence, maturity from different people we deal with and we do not see it.patience

I got to engage some of my friends on this topic and this is what their reactions were.
Michael: I think my outlook on patience is different. Where I seem to differ as I get older is that the things I look for in a potential partners is the incompatibility. This is where patience comes in, to continue dating. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to enter a doomed relationship or to fail. I think it is important to realize the error and correct it and quickly and learn from it. I don’t think you should use patience as a tool to avoid a bad relationship; I think you need to use it as a tool to survive one.

Patience is the key to continue the search. Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and its cowardice. – George Jackson

Nick: I have personally never been a man with a lot of patience, in any area of my life. It appears it is a virtue I was born without, but I am learning (very) slowly. When it comes to relationships, there is no choice other than to be patient as it is something that cannot be forced or hurried along and if you try, the relationship will most likely fail. I have learned that you just have to feel and enjoy the natural course of the relationship.

If You’re Single

Since the grass is always greener on the other side, as people believe, most single people I know want to be in relationships thinking it offers companionship, emotional and physical connection and all those 2 for 1 ‘perks’. Guys! Guys! Guys! Stop envying the beautiful garden that’s being watered. Work on what you have. I learnt this the hard way. So please don’t wait for karma. Because it will teach you the hard way. The grass is only greener when you take care of what you have. But look too hard and you miss out on life trying to find a partner. Unless you’ve put yourself into a rut that consists of staying at home, going to work and coming back home, you’re likely to meet new people every day. There’s no need to go searching for someone at bars and clubs. Go out, have fun but don’t go out with the intention of meeting the love of your life. Things always turn up when it’s least expected…there’s nothing like the pleasant surprise of meeting someone out of the blue.

But then again, ask yourself, are you ready to forgo everything to have this kind of person in your life? Social media is in a very huge mission to ruin relationships. I’m a living testimony out here. Social media almost ruined my relationship. If you are a man or a woman out there on social media please be ready to cut off every other person who qualifies themselves to be threats in your relationships. Because apparently you realize that once you are in the dark, you learn to appreciate everything that shines.

Have the patience to wait for someone right and not just someone.

Thank you for reading.I hope you get a little more patient after reading this.

The Dark Graveyard.

I see dead people.Men walking into offices to sit in coffins. People handed death certificates disguised as a salaries. My peers working 9-5s and earning nowhere near enough to survive.It’s far from ironic that my friend told me that these days,nights after work she sleeps like a corpse.
Sometimes it feels like my city is a graveyard.Sometimes I feel like the ghost whisperer.Sometimes I feel I’m just watching re-runs of the Michael Jackson Thriller video and everybody dancing and singing like they are alive.But it doesn’t take a genius to see that they are rotting on the inside.It’s easy to say they gave up on life, but if just a victim of a system that’s pulling the trigger.

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Is it still suicide? So early in our lives were forced into uniforms which strip us of our identity. Stand in firing lines outside classrooms designed to kill everything unique about us.They did say that good die young:Abraham is only man I ever knew who was willing to stand at the altar and sacrifice his happiness for someone else and even he hesitated even God agreed that it wasn’t worth it.

Let me ask you a question.Have you ever played spot the difference between living and existing? What does unhappiness taste like? And do you try brush it out your mouth every night before you go to sleep? and every morning before u head out Monday to Friday?
And does it leave a bitter taste in your mouth on Sunday evenings? Sometimes making that bread is a recipe for disaster. When was the last time you fed your soul? And didn’t your parents teach you to always finish your plate?

I think we all know that slavery is still alive, and we are just concealing it because maybe it’s easier to admit to defeat. The truth is that we are afraid to admit to ourselves and so instead we carry on digging our own graves, waiting for promotions we don’t really want, to hang around necks like medals. But instead they hang around our necks like nooses attached to glass ceilings.But most don’t even have the courage to jump so instead remain on an office chair.In purgatory not living or dying, just surviving. Just surviving,just getting-buying.
I sit at the edge of this cemetery using my words like flowers to mourn the ones we have lost. But sometimes I feel like flowers aren’t enough or is it that there are just too many graves?

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I Will Wait For You…Confession of a Broken Girl’s Heart.

So it seemed that it was cool…for everyone to want to be in a relationship with me. So I took matters in my own hands and ended up with him. Him who displayed the characteristics of a liar, an abuser, cheater and a thief. So, why was I surprised when he broke into my heart? I called 911 but I was cardiac arrested for 18 or so hours and I had no one to blame because it was me who let him in, claiming that “we were just friends”

It was already decided for me by the first date that even if it was not him, I was going to make him the one. You know I was just tired of being alone and I simply made up my mind that it was about that time so I decided to drag him along for the ride because I was always by his side but was never made the bride. A virgin in the physical but mentally just a grown woman in the corner and he was tired of the wait. So I was going to make him the one.

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He had a form of Godliness but not much. But hey …hey! For Christ’s sake I can change him! So I’ll take a minute close enough, ready to sell my aorta for a quarter bucks not knowing the value of what it used to be. Artery so clogged with blood in the walls so it gives the pressure for blood to flow through me. I thank Christ for His blood pressure that gave my heart an attack that fat lumps of obscured vision that put me flat on my back. So it’s my ignorance that he saw, and through my stardom he saw something that cracked over my chest to transplant a new heart and a renewed right spirit within and I now fully understand better yet and thoroughly comprehend how much I needed to wait for him.

See, the bad thing is that I knew it wasn’t him from the very beginning. Because in the beginning was the word and he didn’t even shine and sound like your son. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks and all he could whisper was sweet empty nothings. Which meant nothing anyway. He couldn’t even pray when I needed him to, asking him to fast would be absurd. Forget about being cleansed and being washed with holy water through the word.

You are already praying for me. Even not having met me, let me assure you, I will wait…for you. I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with people who don’t add value in my life to appease my boredom or to quench my thirsty desire for attention of short-lived compliments from these sought of people. You know he saw that to be kind of right but saw that kind of wrong. His first name Luke his last name worm. I won’t settle for first companionship. I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms attempting to find some closeness but never feeling far apart because I just want to be held. Because all I want to do is to say NO!

No more hormone sessions of almost coming close, passing wings and buying drinks and Imma Imma Imma flirt! Who flirts with the ideology of “Can you just tell me how much I can get away with this and still be saved?” No more “I’ll stay in my bed alone and write poems on how I will wait for you.” He won’t even come close, our fingers won’t even interlock, we won’t even exchange breathe because I have thoughts that have been saved by the Father and you require His knowledge to equip you to open. I will no longer be degraded down with the so-called friends or family talk; about the concern for my biological clock when I serve the author of time. Who is not subjected to time but I am subject to Him. He has the ability to stop, fast forward, pause or rewind at any given time so if you could roll play, you would be Abraham and I could be Sarah or you could be Isaac and I could be Rebecca, a servant’s answered prayer. I am a bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh, made of your rib Adam. Once we meet like electrons, I will be bound to your nuclear completely indivisible atom. We even speak the same math: one plus one plus one equal three which really equals one when you add them.

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We were all created in His image but you have the ability to reflect, project and even detect the son that if I want to explain how you look like, you would have to look like a star; a son of the sun. I would gain energy simply from the light that you shine on me. I would need you to complete the photosynthesis await your revelation but once again from the genesis, I will wait for you. And I will know you because when you speak,

I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom. Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses, your faith will remind me of Abraham, your confidence in God’s word will remind me of Daniel, your inspiration will remind me of Paul, your heart for God will remind me David, your attention to detail will remind me of Noah, your integrity will remind me of Joseph, and your ability to abandon your own will remind me of the disciples but your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ Jesus.

But I will not need to identify you with any special virtues or any special marks because His word will be retarded all over your heart. And you will know me and you will find me with the boldness of Esther, Mr. Warm closeness of Ruth with the hospitality of Lydia is in line with the submission of Mary which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah. I will be the one described in Proverbs 31, waiting for you.

But to my Father…my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth only if you shall see fate. I desire your will above mine so even if you call me to a life of singleness, my heart is content with you the one who was sent because you are the greatest love story ever told, the greatest love ever known, you are forever my judge and I am forever your witness. I pray that I am forever found on the mission about my Father’s business. How I will always be ywait

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ours, how I will always wait for you Lord. More than the way a watchman waits for the morning. More than the way a watchman waits for the morning… I will wait!

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I Refuse to Let Technology Control Me.

Hey whats up peeps!

Did you know the average person spends 4 years of looking down his cellphone? Turns out ironic aint it? It’s frustrating how these touch screens can make us loose touch.But its no wonder when a world filled with iMacs, iPads and iPhones…so many ‘I’s so many selfies not many us’s in the we. See technology has made us more selfish and separate than ever because while it claims to connect us,connection hasn’t gotten any better.

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And let me express first, to Mr Zuckerberg, not to be rude but I think you should reclassify Facebook to what it is to an ANTIsocial network. We may have big friend lists but so many of us are friendless all along because most friendships are more broken on screens of our very computers and phones when sitted at home in front of our computers measuring self-worth by the numbers of followers and likes then we end up ignoring those we actually love us.It all seems that we’d rather write an angry post and talk to someone who’d actually hug us.Am i bugging?You tell me.

I actually asked a friend the other day if we could meet up face to face and he said, “allright,what time do you wanna Skype?” I responded with an “OMG” SRs with a bunch of SMHs,what about me?…do i not have the patience to have a conversation  without abbreviations or this is the generation of media overstimulation.Because chats have been reduced to snaps to news of 140 characters videos  reduced to 6second high-speed then you wonder why ADD is on the rise faster than 4GLTE but,have you loaded this…study shows that the articulate span of an adult today is 1 second lower than that of a gold fish.So if you wanted a few people who are aquatic animals that are about to close or click off their mouse to this article then congratulations!m

 

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Let me finish by saying that you actually do have a choice.Yes…Yes You do.But this one my friend,we can not autocorrect.We must do it ourselves.Take control or be in control.Make a decision because as for me, no longer do I want to spoil a precious moment by being caught up with a phone.I dont want to take a picture of nudes anymore.I dont want that new app that new software or that new update. And if I wanna post an old photo,who says I have to wait untill Thursday and tag it #TBT?

I’m so tired of performing in the pageantry of vanity and conforming to the deceptive  of digital insanity.Call me crazy but I imagine a world where we smile when we have low batteries.Because that typically means that we will be one bar closer to HUMANITY.

#PEACE!

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