By now y’all should know that this thing called love is a very funny thing. It never feels complete, even when you’re at the peak and especially when you’re just starting the climb. Even when you’re the happiest you could be, you always think there is a better place to get to and why wouldn’t you?
We’ve been taught to expect better, but sometimes, people don’t even get to see how their story would end. And that makes you want to weep from the inside. Some of us have been taught not to expect anything at all for that matter. But this is me trying to wonder how life would be with zero expectations from life. Sounds like watching a Steven Segal movie and not expecting any kills. Like, what kind of a whacky movie would that be? Segal not kicking anybody’s ass! How now?But this is my story. The story about the Love That Never Was.
Life happened. The most unexpected happened. I never saw that coming. Neither didn’t she. She was beautiful back and forth. Her dark blue eyes crippled me,spots of grey hair on her all black shiny hair stood out leaving her beautiful forehead exposed to sunlight. She was a true definition of beauty without make up…beauty elegance.
We had met several weeks before all these happened in some official congregation that I had been invited and was planning to miss because I had had second thoughts about the whole event. At first it was just an official relationship. No strings attached, no feelings whatsoever but one day all hell broke loose.
Earlier I had heard this phrase from my sister that the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart. To some extent I felt like I agreed with her but to some, I heavily disagreed. This is why…read on.
Whenever we met we couldn’t help but just stare at each other with love filled eyes on us. But there was only one problem…was it sugar salt and everything nice or was it gonna be sugar salt and everything twice…I think all these were sugar salt and everything twice!I mean how possible was it that we were so much in love but couldn’t be together? How could we feel this for one another but couldn’t just be? Not that we weren’t attracted to one another but no! It’s because how the world could see us. And well, I didn’t care much about that but she did. How would the society perceive us? This actually sounded like some racist kind of relationship in downtown South Africa way back before Madiba Mandela shone a light in the nation. It felt like a colored woman falling in love with a black Xhosa man. This was terrible! Indeed this was sugar salt and everything twice… The more you added these two ingredients to the recipe the more you cooked your food waiting for a miracle to happen to the taste out if nowhere. Until you realised you were running out of cooking gas.
But do you know what life has taught me? That when a man and a woman have an overwhelming passion for each other, it seems to me, in spite of such obstacles dividing them as parents or husband and wife, or just a girlfriend and boyfriend thing that they ultimately belong to each other. I know I now sound a bit of crazy but look deeply and keenly into nature,and you will definitely understand whatever I’m saying better. Because at the end of the day, just living is not enough… one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.
She was my flower. She was this only flower in my garden that wasn’t withering or rather planning to wither come rain or sunshine. Her scent, her English accent and how she just did her eyes while talking to me was just everything to me. She had this thing in her while talking to me. There was just this thing she was always doing with her eyes when talking to me. It really formatted my brain and all i could see was nothing in a world of just me and her. Just the two of us. Us against the world. I didn’t want anything more from her. Just time with her, just to talk to her, just to see her talk. That alone was enough and could keep me going for ages and ages.
But I was living a dream all along. Unfortunately we couldn’t be together. Reason? Neither of us could solidly explain. And that was when it hit my mind that you know what son?You just can’t change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails to always reach your destination.
My alarm went out. God damn it!It is six a.m. I have to wake up and go to work …to go make hay while the sun shines for my future generation. For my lovely wife and kids. The Ayoo’s family.
I still cant believe to date that all these was a dream.