I Will Wait For You…Confession of a Broken Girl’s Heart.

So it seemed that it was cool…for everyone to want to be in a relationship with me. So I took matters in my own hands and ended up with him. Him who displayed the characteristics of a liar, an abuser, cheater and a thief. So, why was I surprised when he broke into my heart? I called 911 but I was cardiac arrested for 18 or so hours and I had no one to blame because it was me who let him in, claiming that “we were just friends”

It was already decided for me by the first date that even if it was not him, I was going to make him the one. You know I was just tired of being alone and I simply made up my mind that it was about that time so I decided to drag him along for the ride because I was always by his side but was never made the bride. A virgin in the physical but mentally just a grown woman in the corner and he was tired of the wait. So I was going to make him the one.

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He had a form of Godliness but not much. But hey …hey! For Christ’s sake I can change him! So I’ll take a minute close enough, ready to sell my aorta for a quarter bucks not knowing the value of what it used to be. Artery so clogged with blood in the walls so it gives the pressure for blood to flow through me. I thank Christ for His blood pressure that gave my heart an attack that fat lumps of obscured vision that put me flat on my back. So it’s my ignorance that he saw, and through my stardom he saw something that cracked over my chest to transplant a new heart and a renewed right spirit within and I now fully understand better yet and thoroughly comprehend how much I needed to wait for him.

See, the bad thing is that I knew it wasn’t him from the very beginning. Because in the beginning was the word and he didn’t even shine and sound like your son. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks and all he could whisper was sweet empty nothings. Which meant nothing anyway. He couldn’t even pray when I needed him to, asking him to fast would be absurd. Forget about being cleansed and being washed with holy water through the word.

You are already praying for me. Even not having met me, let me assure you, I will wait…for you. I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with people who don’t add value in my life to appease my boredom or to quench my thirsty desire for attention of short-lived compliments from these sought of people. You know he saw that to be kind of right but saw that kind of wrong. His first name Luke his last name worm. I won’t settle for first companionship. I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms attempting to find some closeness but never feeling far apart because I just want to be held. Because all I want to do is to say NO!

No more hormone sessions of almost coming close, passing wings and buying drinks and Imma Imma Imma flirt! Who flirts with the ideology of “Can you just tell me how much I can get away with this and still be saved?” No more “I’ll stay in my bed alone and write poems on how I will wait for you.” He won’t even come close, our fingers won’t even interlock, we won’t even exchange breathe because I have thoughts that have been saved by the Father and you require His knowledge to equip you to open. I will no longer be degraded down with the so-called friends or family talk; about the concern for my biological clock when I serve the author of time. Who is not subjected to time but I am subject to Him. He has the ability to stop, fast forward, pause or rewind at any given time so if you could roll play, you would be Abraham and I could be Sarah or you could be Isaac and I could be Rebecca, a servant’s answered prayer. I am a bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh, made of your rib Adam. Once we meet like electrons, I will be bound to your nuclear completely indivisible atom. We even speak the same math: one plus one plus one equal three which really equals one when you add them.

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We were all created in His image but you have the ability to reflect, project and even detect the son that if I want to explain how you look like, you would have to look like a star; a son of the sun. I would gain energy simply from the light that you shine on me. I would need you to complete the photosynthesis await your revelation but once again from the genesis, I will wait for you. And I will know you because when you speak,

I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom. Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses, your faith will remind me of Abraham, your confidence in God’s word will remind me of Daniel, your inspiration will remind me of Paul, your heart for God will remind me David, your attention to detail will remind me of Noah, your integrity will remind me of Joseph, and your ability to abandon your own will remind me of the disciples but your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ Jesus.

But I will not need to identify you with any special virtues or any special marks because His word will be retarded all over your heart. And you will know me and you will find me with the boldness of Esther, Mr. Warm closeness of Ruth with the hospitality of Lydia is in line with the submission of Mary which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah. I will be the one described in Proverbs 31, waiting for you.

But to my Father…my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth only if you shall see fate. I desire your will above mine so even if you call me to a life of singleness, my heart is content with you the one who was sent because you are the greatest love story ever told, the greatest love ever known, you are forever my judge and I am forever your witness. I pray that I am forever found on the mission about my Father’s business. How I will always be ywait

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ours, how I will always wait for you Lord. More than the way a watchman waits for the morning. More than the way a watchman waits for the morning… I will wait!

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