She said she loves me, and then she said she loves me a lot. She said she loves me just a little, now she loves me not. She said what-ever! Through the ups and downs together, forever, then she went and changed like the weather. Stress in my life and I just can’t think straight, everything I’m handling ends up in the wrong place. Strings of questions keep dangling in my mind. Why did this have to happen? And yet I kept on being faithful and rooted to God’s word.
I’m now left amused looking directly on my kitchen floor, trying to figure out how I’m going to collect all these broken pieces. I’m left emotional and frustrated to the brim, wondering where or whom I’m going to lean on. I bow my head down tongue-tied to death, but when I got the strength to say something, these were the only words that could escape my mouth, ”Please take away the pain because I can’t take it no more, please pick the broken pieces up from the floor, please put them back together I’m begging you Lord..’’ The problem was that I really wanted the answers immediately that were some kind of mission impossible. Poor me!
Now today I want to talk about something different on this topic of ‘God, Love, Life and Relationships’. Not anything about the doctrine, not anything that will give anyone some hard time to figure out what I’m trying to put across, but something so straight. Something that we can all relate to quite easily. Why do we get into relationships? Why do we ‘fall in love’? Did I just say those three words… fall-in-love? Yes I did! How many people have ever found themselves questioning their hearts why they fell in love? Do they question themselves out of happiness or frustrations? I don’t know, but maybe it’s out of frustrations.
OK, stay with me. Why do we fall in love? Is it because of our selfish interests and desires or is it because we really want to venture into something so deep that will benefit both parties? Out of the very many articles I’ve read from the various authors, they tend to give out some impression on this thing called love. They make love and relationships look like some bed of roses or rather some bee hive full of honey with no stinging bees. Some even paint relationships to look like some kind of valleys with no hills that all you need is to climb down. Well, love is a very funny thing. Relationships can go crazy at times depending on how we handle ourselves. But still, why do we engage ourselves into relationships? Why do we fall in love?
Someone once asked me a question that was very difficult to give an answer to. Not necessarily because it was too difficult or rather too complex; but because I did not know what exactly she wanted me to answer her.’’ What kills relationships?’’Wow! What a question. As soon as I’m done explaining what kills relationships, you will then be able to figure out why we fall in love or rather why we engage ourselves in relationships.
I happened to take a ride on this topic of murderers of relationships and this is what I came up with. To begin with, I found out expectations to be one of the determinants. Having too many expectations kills your relationship. You really want her to know what you want without saying it? You expect him to remember almost everything even when he has got several matters demanding his attention? Yes, we are in love and you sure mean a lot to us but we are human as well. You’ll realize that as soon as you expecting more, you will end up seeing more faults, when you expect less, you will be able to appreciate your partner more.
If there are issues not discussed in a relationship, it could make both partners keep hurtful secrets and in-turn produce beautiful lies. Be it marriage relationships, friendship relationships or even dating relationships; blaming your partner while you appear to be without fault doesn’t make you in-charge but out rightly discharging the strength of the union. That’s the main reason why when there are any hitches in my relationship, I will strive hard to solve them by saving the argument and taking account of everything that got messed up.
Poor timing; whatsoever is sharing your quality time with your partner needs to be transferred on another time slot. Having the space for regular conversation strengthens your relationship and if it’s a long distance relationship, you either could talk regularly on phone or pick a day or two in every week for this. Good time spent together reveals a lot, strengthens the bond, secures the relationship and it helps in no little measure.
Pretense! Oh I’m loving this. I don’t like pretenders. Why do we pretend in relationships? You seem to be too cool at everything because you want to impress him/her, that’s trouble! Whatever happens to being you should be reversed. Your partner could take it as being nice or tolerant. In a real relationship, no one is a cell-mate, you just be you! And of course as I always say…If you decide to be me or someone else, who will be you?
Now listen to this. Cohabitation. What’s cohabitation? It’s one of the easiest ways to make your partner get fed up with the relationship. When you become too regular, so many things could lose its value and get lost accordingly. Lack of Communication. Not in to be me, the area of phone calling or text messages though also important but specifically in the awareness of things to do or how to do them. Both parties must be kept abreast of what’s coming. Make your moves, schedules, work or some family related details clear to your partner. Always keeping them in the dark brings about uncertainties that could cause regular misunderstanding in a relationship.
Blaming Your Partner. Yes! Keep blaming your partner for everything that’s wrong in your relationship and watch it die slowly. When you see more of his/her faults, there will always be something to complain about and the more the complains the more the relationship would lose its value and meaning.
Not sharing. Did you ever know that no one forms a relationship by themselves? It takes two to get at it. A balanced relationship demands the effort of the-two involved. It’s about what you-two bring to the center. The pressure would be one-sided if one person chooses to be greedy. Sharing is one of many things that powers a relationship and makes it balance. Lies. Not just lie but regular lies! Well, this cannot be overstretched. The more you lie to your partner, the lesser he/she trusts you, and when trust is gone in a relationship, that’s trouble! It’s a relationship sailing in the sea of mediocrity.
Last but not least, Issues not discussed or rather left pending. These are the unfinished businesses. There could be some areas you desire to have your partner change or get better at. If you choose to keep mute about it and you such keep receiving your attention and you just can’t ignore, it kills relationships slowly.
So in a nut shell, why do we get into relationships? Well, by now you should have the answer with you. We clearly get into relationships to avoid all these issues discussed above. When we avoid these issues we will start appreciating our partners the way they are. We will live to love them and stop fighting them but instead fight for them. I want you to go to your partner today and tell him/her that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. However much difficult it could be, just play your part, keep a positive mind, pray to God and I assure you all will be okay.
Now I dedicate this article to all the broken hearted chaps and I wanna assure you that God will recollect all those broken pieces and put them back together.
Always remember,“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”
― Anaïs Nin
Thank you for reading and God bless you.